"Wesley", known by many as the very soul of the Crushers, surprisingly did not always see himself as destined for greatness in the musical world. Many years ago, at a pivotal point in his life -- failing the entrance exam to the Star-Fleet academy for the third consecutive time -- "Wesley" was approached by the Traveler -- an interstellar being who showed "Wesley" the vision of two possible life courses: one where he is a Star-Fleet Commander, and one where he is a dread-pirate, forever sailing long forgotten seas. Horrified by either option, "Wesley" began screaming in anguish, which, shocking to both him and the Traveler, was actually quite beautiful... and from that moment on, "Wesley" never stopped singing.



Trooper Jester is one of the greatest guitarists in the known universe. Many a house cantina-band member has been known to throw his or herself out of an airlock after witnessing the incredible power of Trooper Jester's live performance. Beyond his incredible musical abilities, however, Trooper Jester also enjoys lightsaber fabrication and engineering in his spare time, though he tends not to advertise these passions while around federation members. He is currently hard at work preparing for his guest celebrity spot on the upcoming season of "Who the hell wants to live with a Gungan?"



Trooper Mindtrick is an enigma wrapped in a paradox, wrapped in full-body storm trooper armor. He is known throughout the galaxy as the trooper that gives even the Jedi a challenge when it comes to the powers of persuasion. In fact, it is rumored that Trooper Mindtrick's powers of suggestion are so great, he once talked a Sarlacc into having indigestion after he accidentally fell into the great "Pit of Carkoon" while drinking heavily with a group of wookies. Trooper Mindtrick provides the rhythm of the group with his prodigious percussive pursuits.



Trooper Isomorph got his start in the musical world playing with a group of alien jazz cats that had an on-going house-gig with Jabba the Hutt. Everything seemed to be going fine, until he fell in love with the singer of his band, Sy Snootles. Jabba the Hutt, not known for his "liberal" attitude towards trooper/Pa'lowick love, forbid the affair to continue. Not knowing what else to do, Sy Snootles and "Droopy" McCool, fired Trooper Isomorph from the project, eventually replacing him with an Ortolan keyboardist named Max Rebo. Immediately the band became a huge success across the galaxy.



Trooper Bobalon, probably the most physically menacing member of the Crushers, not surprisingly, has a great love for food -- in particular, Toast. In fact, Trooper Bobalon had such a great love for this breakfast favorite that he decided to become the first ever clone-toaster hybrid. Almost immediately after receiving the surgery, however, Trooper Bobalon realized that the thing he loved most about his new cyber-modification was the delightful sound it made when popping up. After this discovery, Trooper Bobalon underwent dozens of further mods, becoming in the end a "cyber-man" who literally creates a symphony of electronic sounds from every fiber of his being.



It could be said, has an eye for beauty. Many have speculated where this "eye" could have come from. As it turns out, it was actually physically ripped from the recently deceased body of a Dianoga, a particularly nasty sewer dwelling creature that made a sudden, startling emergence from the toilet in Trooper Shooter's personal quarters.Trooper Shooter, thankfully, did emerge victorious from this confrontation, and is said to have gained a new appreciation for the beauty and fragility of everyday life, which he draws heavily from in all of his video and photography work.



I’m just a sad and lonely man with a neckbeard. For the last few years I’ve watched it grow, It makes me feel like I’m a hermit, living in my parents basement. Every single day they keep telling me to go out into the real world, maybe I can make it, if I find another hero like me. A white knight riding to the rescue, saving all the maidens from the trolls, just like its D&D, So if you see my massive neckbeard, hiding in the night right outside your home. Don’t be afraid, I’m really not a fighter, I’m just waiting for a girl who can be my own.